August 31, 2017 | Funny Bits

Heterosexuality banned in Hell, Michigan

Elijah Daniel is a comedian who is probably best known for writing an erotic gay novel about Donald Trump. Well, he can now add mayor of Hell to his resume!
 
Daniel made his way to the unincorporated community of 72 people in Michigan, and with a small amount of money he was able to buy himself a position of power.
 
“I was looking for a town willing to make me mayor,” Daniel told HuffPost. “They’ll do it in Hell for $100, so I caught a redeye to Michigan and got sworn in.”
 
His first act was to start banning straight people from the community.
 
“My ban is a copy-and-paste of Trump’s Muslim ban, but with heterosexuals instead,” Daniel said. He just wanted to keep all those radical heteros out of his new town.
 
But Daniel is a fair man. He had no problem with heterosexuals already in the town remaining; they had to pay $84,000 (which they could reclaim following a year of abstinence from straight sex). Reparative therapy was suggested to help find your gay side.
 
He was quickly impeached.
 
“That’s actually not a problem,” he explained. “Everyone who becomes mayor there gets impeached. Most of the people who visit are same-sex couples who want to be married in Hell.” 

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