Funny Bits

After losing his lucrative job as an investment banker, a young (we suppose) entrepreneur going by the moniker Johnny No Name took to the web to sell his gay virginity to the highest bidder.

No, he wasn't willing to go all the way - his delicate rosebud was to remain intact and untouched - but a hand job and/or a blowjob could be arranged.

Of course, bidders were expected to make offers without actually seeing the goods they were bidding on. He's hot though, and looks like Adam Brody ... that's his claim, anyway.

Well, seems he's had a change of heart.

"A very amazing person has taken pity on me," he posted on his webpage, "and offered me a real job in my chosen line of work.

"I ask that you respect my privacy. I choose to remain anonymous, my new employer (and this is the condition of my employment) chooses to remain anonymous."

Everyone knows the best place to find supposedly straight cherry is on Craigslist. And you can get that for free!

Fashion label Diesel created an interesting campaign using classic porn scenes. They say their commercial is safe for work (SFW), but we don't think it's something you want to be caught watching when your boss walks by ...

William Halby, a 77-year-old Brooklyn lawyer, has been ordered to pay tens of thousands of dollars in back taxes after claiming over $300,000 for prostitutes, porn, and sex toys on his tax returns.

Halby felt his claims were reasonable ones. "I was depressed," Halby said. "I live a solitary life. I have no social life. I needed that release. Over the years, I've been with dozens of girls for full-body massage with . . . happy ending."

He claimed that $2,173 spent on porn was "to enhance sexual performance in lieu of taking Viagra." He also felt lubes, condoms and nipple clamps were reasonable deductions.

"It must be noted that portions of [Halby's] 'sex therapy' were, in fact, sex for a fee, in violation of penal law," Administrative Law Judge Brian Friedman decided.

"Illegal treatments cannot be included in expenses," an auditor added. "In addition to being illegal in New York state, these expenses are not substantiated with receipts."

Halby's professional specialty: tax law. We're not kidding! 

Poor Phil and Phill. Seems they haven't quite realized they're gay.

Capoeira is a folk art that combines movement from martial arts and dance, and is marked by fluid acrobatic play, feints, and extensive use of groundwork, including sweeps, kicks, and cartwheels. It emerged in Brazil some time after the 16th century.

The art form has now evolved into something called "GayPoeira" which adds an erotic flavor to the moves, making it even more beautiful -- or just plain silly.

The Cerne Abbas Giant needs a little help. Seems the massive image, complete with its world famous erect penis, is fading away and volunteers are being sought to help re-chalk it.

Also known as the Rude Man, the figure is located on a hillside near Dorset, England and likely dates back to the 1600s. He stands an impressive 80 ft high.

Over time vegetation and moss have started to cover the image, and the chalk lines are fading. So between September 13 and 20 volunteers will get the chance to update the outline.

Rob Rhodes, National Trust head warden for west Dorset, said: "How many ancient monuments around Britain do people get the chance to help maintain? The giant is on a par with St Paul's Cathedral and Stonehenge."

We'll help; we've been told we're very good with oversized cocks.

Valentine, Nebraska, boasting a population of 2,650, is becoming the butt of someone's joke. But locals aren't quite sure who's responsible.

A vandal has been hitting local businesses since 2007. His MO is some petroleum jelly and his cock and ass. Under the cover of night the man presses himself up against windows and leaves behind a telling imprint of his body parts.

"This is the weirdest case I've ever seen," said Police Chief Ben McBride. "It's not funny. We're worried about the next step."

The vandal has been dubbed the "Butt Bandit" by locals. "We were completely grossed out," said one resident. "One day I walked into the office and an employee said, 'Oh, my God, we've been struck!' she said. ... You could, like, see the whole package."

One rather brazen attack left nearly every window of a local hotel tagged.

Gather all the men from the town and make them drop trou. Firefighters, jocks and cops to the front of the line! We'll get to the bottom of this, even if we're here all night.

Sen. Larry Craig refuses to give up. In another attempt to have his guilty plea for soliciting a cop in an airport restroom reversed his attorneys suggested on Wednesday that Craig's foot tapping was protected by free speech.

The Idaho Republican pleaded guilty to a misdemeanor charge of disorderly conduct in June 2007, after being arrested  for soliciting sex with an undercover cop by using hand signals and tapping his foot.

The lawyers also argued that if no one else but the officer saw the signals then a disorderly conduct charge was invalid.

Craig intends to retire from the Senate when his term ends in January. Which will mean he's going to have a lot of free  time on his hands ... and feet.

Only in the 80s ...

Crystal meth isn't funny, but this video is ...

Last Tuesday, Houston's 14th Court of Appeals denied a man's claim that his penis was so small indecent exposure charges should be dropped. 

It all started two years ago when the good doctor was out and about in Memorial Park in Houston, Texas. He followed an undercover officer into the woods and was later arrested after flashing the cop.

The doctor claimed at trial he was merely looking to talk to someone about the "usual stuff" like marriage and family. In the trees. With his dick out.

The jury sided with the cop and gave the doctor a suspended sentence of two years of community supervision.

On appeal the man's lawyers tried a different tack by pointing out that the doctor had an extremely small penis; it was so small he would be embarrassed to show it to anyone save his wife. His lawyers also argued that even if he did expose himself his cock was too tiny to have been seen.

Justice Wanda McFee Fowler saw very little in the argument and upheld the charges. The doctor has since put a bid in for James Franco's prosthetic cock from the 'Milk" biopic.

Michael Phelps may have won more medals at a single Olympic games than fellow American Mark Spitz, but more importantly, whose hotter? CNN's Jeanne Moos finds out ...