December 6, 2007 | Sex & Society

Who's cumming to the party?

Mark your calendars, boys; the big day is fast approaching. And no, we're not talking about Christmas. On Saturday, December 22 at 06:08 Universal Coordinated Time (GMT) it's time to sit back, grab your cocks and celebrate the second annual Global Orgasm Day!

The aim of this masturbatory event is to:

Effect positive change in the energy field of the Earth through input of the largest possible instantaneous surge of human biological, mental and spiritual energy. Our minds and our biology influence Matter and Quantum Energy fields, so by concentrating any thoughts before, during, and after orgasm on peace and partnership, the combination of high orgasmic physical energy combined with the power of positive thinking could help reduce global levels of violence, hatred and fear.

What the hell does that mean? We still have a couple former FBI agents working on it, but we think the message, simply put, is: a world that cums together may one day actually come together. Maybe it'll work and maybe it won't, but it's worth a try.

Funny thing is we've been celebrating all these years -- and never even knew it.