October 25, 2015 | Funny Bits

Man accused of sex with tractors

According to the Suffolk Gazette, a local man was caught with his pants down in the middle of a field, making sweet love to a tractor. Upon questioning, Ralph Bishop admitted he had sex with upward of 450 tractors over the years.

A sheep we can comprehend -- after all, it would be warm inside -- but a tractor?

Officials also discovered the gent had thousands of pictures of tractors on his laptop, and seemed to have a preference for John Deere and Massey Ferguson machines, particularly green ones.

A police insider said,  "We couldn't believe it when we found him in the field. He was wearing a white t-shirt and Wellington boots and very little else. He was clearly in a high state of excitement at the rear of the machine."

The man has been banned from the countryside, but authorities noted, "We are watching him as we are concerned about the safety of several street cleaning machines."

The Suffolk Gazette, as you may have guessed by now, is a satirical publication.