BDSM community disavows Jian Ghomeshi

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November 4, 2014 | Sex & Society

BDSM community disavows Jian Ghomeshi

If you're Canadian, or an American who listens to NPR, you may be familiar with Jian Ghomeshi. He is the now former host of the popular radio show Q, in which prominent cultural and entertainment figures are interviewed.

As we mentioned last week, Ghomeshi was fired from the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation (CBC) after he was accused of being sexually aggressive with a former girlfriend. He claimed she was a jilted lover seeking revenge. He also admitted to being into "consensual" BDSM game play and argued that the CBC let him go because of his personal sexual interests.

Fast forward a few days and the story has become a lot more disturbing. Nine women, some anonymous and some not, have come forward with similar stories of abuse. According to police, three of the women's claims are now being investigated.

"These people have come forward. They've seen that other people are talking about it and it's brought it back up in their lives," Insp. Joanna Beaven-Desjardins explained. "[Ghomeshi] has not been convicted of anything, these are allegations. We are trying to get all the information from our reportees — our victims — first, so that we have the best evidence to move forward."

Allegations from the women include being slapped and punched in the head repeatedly without warning. Most say that they neither discussed sex nor consented to being manhandled. Actress Lucy DeCoutere described being slapped and choked without warning. Another woman claims that after a date with Ghomeshi she went to his home and, once inside, he knocked her to the floor and began beating her. She started to cry, at which point he told her it was time to leave.

Others have talked about a teddy bear in his room that he turns away, saying "Big Ears Teddy shouldn't see this" before becoming aggressive.

He has also been accused of inappropriate activity at work. A former CBC employee said Ghomeshi told her “I want to hate fuck you.” She said she was ignored when she complained to CBC management.

The fallout has been swift. Two PR firms have dropped him as a client, and a third has not yet spoken to the media. Lights, the Canadian pop band he managed, has also fired him.

The BDSM community is fuming that he dragged them into this messy situation.

"My biggest problem with Ghomeshi's defense is that he's trying to use the BDSM community, and the many years of education that we have put forward, as a cover for his abuse," dominatrix Margaret Corvid said. "Basically what he is trying to do is say everything that he's doing is consensual, and he's trying to distract people with a kink-phobia defense, when really what he is doing is just plain ol' garden variety horrific abuse."

She explained how people in the BDSM community are expected to behave:

When two people want to engage in some kinky play, first of all, they have a negotiation. They talk about their limits, they talk about things that might trigger them, things they want to enjoy and things they want to avoid. A lot of BDSM play has safe words ... but it goes way beyond safe words. Once people go into the play -- you have to remember, consent is revocable. Consent can change at any moment.

Because several of the allegations date back many years and are only now coming to light, the Ghomeshi affair has set off a national debate on the silence of abused women.

Canadian actress alleges Jian Ghomeshi slapped and choked her at his home [The National Post]

Consent and education key to BDSM: Community [Canoe]

Professional Dominatrix: Jian Ghomeshi's Actions Don't Mesh With BDSM Rules [The Huffington Post]