June 25, 2008 | Celeb Watch

Mike Myers masturbates too much

When comedian Mike Myers got violently sick while traveling through Greece, he did what many of us would do: he summoned a doctor to his hotel room. But the advice he got was not what he expected.

Myers, currently promoting his new movie, "Love Guru," said he became ill to the point of soiling his bed sheets after eating something which didn't agree with his stomach. He said that  the doctor blamed his discomfort on excessive masturbation.

"I got sick as a dog," Myers said. "The doctor came, and he was Greek, and he knew that I was a comedian, and he just kept saying to me, 'You know what your problem is? Too much malaka.'

"And malaka, evidently, is masturbation."

We've heard about whacking off causing blindness and insanity, but this is the first we heard that it also causes  a loss of bowel control. That must be why we know so many crazy, sightless, diaper-wearing people.