Survey says: lots of gay men cheat on their partners

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February 13, 2018 | Sex Life

Survey says: lots of gay men cheat on their partners

Gay cheating Sorry, guys, but on the eve of Valentine's Day we have some bad news for you: apparently many gay men aren't sexually faithful. And that includes men who are in open relationships.

The GMFA (Gay Men Fighting AIDS) branch of the UK-based Health Equality and Rights Organisation (HERO) which works to reduce health inequalities for sexual minorities, conducted the survey of 961 gay and bi men. Of the men interviewed, 52% admitted to being unfaithful; 45% of these men said their partner never found out.

In the same survey, 58% claimed a partner had been unfaithful.

One would think that open relationships would be, well, more open. However, 40% of those in an open relationship revealed that either they or their partner has broken the rules set up in that relationship.

Of course, there's an emotional cost for those who have been cheated on. There is also a health risk, with 17% of men who cheated confessing they picked up an STI, and a depressing 61% of those did not advise their partner.

Ian Howley, Chief Executive of HERO, explained that the survey proved that even men in committed relationships needed to get tested for STIs on a regular basis.

"17% of the gay men who admitted to cheating on their partner got an STI or HIV. We recommend that all sexually active gay men, whether in a relationship or not, gets tested for HIV and STI at least twice a year," he said.

“I have come across a number of gay men that crave connection and deep intimacy but struggle with the vulnerability needed to create such a connection,” counsellor Tiago Brandao explained. “This leads them to look for intimacy and connection in all the wrong places.”

Many of the men pointed to hookup apps as a major part of the problem.

“My partner drifted away from me, physically and emotionally,” one man said. “All the time he was engaging in online emotional relationships, sharing pics, intimate thoughts etc. It made me feel that I was not enough for him. He denied it repeatedly and it nearly drove me insane.”

Another reason not to tell? Because the cheater assumed he'd lose his main man if he was found out.

In the survey, 61% claimed they would break up with a partner if he were unfaithful. 13% said no, and 26% were unsure.

It's doubtful if any of these statistics reflect a change in gay men's sexual behavior. Boys will be boys, after all. Still, while monogamy is definitely not the foundation of a healthy relationship, honesty is.