February 19, 2015 | Sex & Society

Party planned for (not so) well-endowed men

Big Small Penis PartyAnt Smith doesn't have a big cock. In fact, at 4 inches erect, it is smaller than average. But rather than let his teeny weeny get him down, the 48-year-old Brit is planning the first ever ‘Big Small Penis’ party to celebrate “tiny todgers, compact cocks, wee willies, mini members, and dinky dicks."
 
“I think it’s really important to maintain a balanced sense of fun," he explained. "That’s why I’m creating a celebratory party. I’ve got various thoughts on what is a good and what is a bad small penis joke. And I do think humour is a great healer. So I’ll just say ‘keep laughing’.”
 
There is a cover charge, based upon each inch of your manhood. Women are welcome (and, we assume, free). 
 
For Smith, documentaries like Unhung Hero and My Penis and I don't do enough for men with little between the legs. "They tend to take a very ‘oh my god I have this problem how do I fix it’ sort of approach," he complained. "And that’s fundamentally misguided. We actually need to be taking the ‘we are what we are, let’s celebrate diversity’ approach. For the last two years there’s been a small penis pageant in New York, [but] that’s a relatively small affair.”
 
Of course, Smith is lucky because he has a supportive wife. "The fact that she loves me helped me come to terms [with my body]."
 
They'll likely be serving half-ounce cocktails and mini-sausages at the event. The party takes place on March 7 in London (you can find out more information here.)
 
You can read Ant Smith's poem about being a short-dicked man after the jump ...
 
Shorty
 
I have a tiny cock
Like a crooked little finger
Everybody else's dick
Is inevitably bigger
If six inch as an average
Can truly be believed
Someone here in this room
Is twice the size of me
If you can do your algebra
Already you will know
Four inches is the maximum
My dick will ever go
For the engineers among you
I'll express my ratio
My little one inch wonder
Up to four times it can grow
 
My pubes are even longer
They make a comfy nest
With a little acorn sat
Upon the very crest
Rummage in my fly and
Wish that I were blessed
Searching frantically
I recover just the head
Get a little piss drip
Up on my finger tip
There's absolutely nothing there
For me to get a grip
If I sit to pee I must
Be wary of my jet
The angle of my dangle means
My trousers may get wet
 
He's got a little willy, a tiny baby dick
But at least he's got the balls, to admit to it!
Yes
He's got a little willy, a tiny baby dick
But at least he's got the balls, to admit to it!
 
I wank it with one finger
If you really want to know
And no I can't imagine
The feeling of deep throat
When I look down I can still
Clearly see my toes
But my little willy hides
Beneath my belly folds
Sometimes it is inverted
Even when it isn't cold
Like a little turtle
Inside of me it goes
Girls they like to tell me
It' such a cute surprise
Until I have to tell them I
Left the condom stuck inside
 
I'm hung like Mickey Mouse
I'm glad now to admit
For the greater pain exists
In propagating myths
According to the internet
Real men have massive dicks
And you are next to useless
If you're 'only' average
So if you're sat with five or six then
Feel the relief
You no longer have to hide it
In shame and misery
For I'm the living proof you've got
Way more than you need
For even with four inches
My, girl's in love with me
 
He's got a little willy, a tiny baby dick
But at least he's got the balls, to admit to it!
Yes
He's got a little willy, a tiny baby dick
But at least he's got the balls, to admit to it!

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